there must be something to be enjoyed even in just being swept along by the turmoil of everything happening around you, but lately i just feel very tired by all these expectations. today has been the first day in a while that i've really been able to sit down and not feel pressured to do something. but even then it's not exactly a whole day to myself since i only managed to sit down and not do anything about half an hour ago. (and the second i finished this sentence my mum came back and called for me to go type a text for her -- see what i mean?) it bugs me that i get so impatient with everything that i seemingly have to do or am obligated to do but honestly is there anything bad in being selfish once in a while so i actually have some time to myself? but then right after all that fuming i start thinking it's really just small things so it shouldn't warrant such an explosive reaction (even if it's just internal and anyway with my temper i'm sure it shows externally as well). it's just that all these small things add up. trickle by trickle and bit by bit they take up so much of my time and some days it just irks me so much all i want to do is shut myself up in a room and wish everyone away.
sometimes i feel like everyone is just using everyone else.
it's so disheartening to feel this way because then it means nobody just wants me there, and it's always because they need me to do something that i'm even around at all. i know this may not be the case and i'm probably just misunderstanding other people's intentions (and overestimating myself) but sometimes it's just really hard to shake this feeling. especially when i know i'm guilty of it too, which only makes it even more apparent that other people do so as well.
okay angry irritable mood over.
music: lee sun hee; fox rain
Labels: bad stuff
tune out the world ; 3:19 PM
