i know words (at least those from anyone else but the protagonist of your problem) don't help, but it's the least i can try to do, and hope they provide at least an ounce of comfort. just know we're always on your side, alright. and you don't even have to ask, because you're always the better one to us. so even though in person i can't say stuff like this because i need time to get thoughts like this straight just know that through all my rambling i was trying to put this across.

not feeling very good today; i totally shouldn't have succumbed to that milo nugget or that ferrero, because now my throat hurts more than ever and i feel parched even after drinking three times the amount of water in my tumbler. which isn't much, granted, but still.

but it's not just my throat that hurts really; it's the pain of thinking knowing you were meant for something bigger but realising you're stuck where you are that dominates all your thoughts and makes you feel so, so small. yes, i know it's my hundredth quarter-life crisis this week, but sometimes it just gets to you.

and i really need to stop eating when i study because i end up eating so much that when i look back at the end of the day on what i've eaten for the day i am genuinely horrified. alright. hoping tomorrow will be productive as well! meeting huiyi and dawn to study at city hall, yay.

- from lookbook; the picture wasn't much but the title kind of struck me when i read it. i don't know if most people pay attention to the titles and the names and locations of the lookbook posters, but they're as interesting (if not more really) as the pictures themselves.

being at home all day long everyday means this place gets updated a whole lot. but i really do work in between all my bouts of going online, even if it's not very much work at all.

new media forum closes in just under an hour, and i'm wondering if nine forum postings are good enough for a quarter of my grade. but that quarter also includes class participation, right? it's actually strangely difficult to craft a coherent forum response.

first lookbook and then stopbook, haha. how can something you can't hold, which has no edges of pages to play with as you read and no crinkly papery texture as you run your hand down the page be a book? go away e-book readers and all you printing-books-kill-trees tree-huggers; if there was ever a good use for paper and the death of trees it would be books. there's just something in holding an honest-to-goodness book that people have forgotten.

music: don't forget; baek ji young

but i'm totally going to pass my test before the new school year begins. then that's one less commitment i have to deal with.

anyhow this is soooooo cute. 돼지토끼!

okay goal for the holidays is to go learn korean. ^^

i'm beginning to think that the happiest people in this world must be the pessimists while the optimists are usually the ones who are sad. it makes logical sense because if you're a pessimist you don't expect happiness, so when it comes you're pleasantly surprised and probably genuinely happy. if you're always looking for the silver lining in every dark cloud and expecting life to change for the better all the time then your constant expectations for happiness mean that most of the time you'll be thinking that life will be better than whatever you have at the moment and you'll always be living for the next happy moment to come. and when good things come your way you're less likely to enjoy the moment as much as a pessimist would because you've been expecting its arrival all this while. i know it seems like the pessimist would dismiss that happy moment and go on to contemplate the lack of meaning in life but for that one moment i believe the pessimist experiences happiness to a degree that the optimist never does. which makes it seem better to be a pessimist, really. even if you spend most of your life moping at least when you feel happy you really, sincerely feel deeply that split second of happiness. i don't know if i'm more optimistic or pessimistic though.

i'm not emo by the way, just thinking.

toes hurt from the mitju shoes i got for chinese new year and which i wore only once because they hurt my feet a lot. but my slippers broke last week and i only managed to go get a new pair today. wearing my new sandals make me feel like a red indian because they're all leathery.

will get down to serious studying from tomorrow onwards, which leaves me a little over a week to study hard. all the promises i made to myself to work hard for finals kind of died because of all the pretty decent results i've been getting for midterms and for approaches, good comments for the final big paper. but if i continue not doing anything i'm going to screw up the final papers and end up with a less than stellar final grade and cap anyway. so i'm going to study hard starting tomorrow. i need to find out the exam dates though at the moment i only know the dates for two papers.

random sightings today too, which just teaches you the truth behind "speak of the devil". not that i was saying anything bad, it just makes you surprised to see people just when you happen to think of them or speak of them.

had a fun day out with dawn, huiling, moses and boon wei anyway. i think it would have been more fun if we all weren't so tired. we're all getting old; the times when we could stay up all night and still be able to go for ice cream the next morning seem so long ago. i think the funniest part of the day was when we went to serendipity for drinks. the staff there must have thought we were all weird, because probably nobody walks in at 2pm asking for cocktails and boon wei's crazy absinthe that had 85% alcohol content. by the way boon wei, i was asking my dad just now if he'd ever drunk stuff with 85% alcohol content and he gave me this look and said that's crazy nobody drinks anything with that much alcohol in it it would burn your throat and all. i burst out laughing after i heard that haha.

oh and high point of the day was probably when we chanced upon kinder surprises in giant. it's been ages since i've seen one actually being sold in singapore. we bought a box of 3 and shared it. i can't bear to eat mine it's still in the fridge with "this is mine ):<" scrawled over it so nobody eats it. you can never be too safe yes.

i think i feel most comfortable going out with the pooks because we can be doing nothing but walking around giant and you don't feel like you should be doing something with a purpose. if that makes any sense at all. haha.

music: jojo; shinee